I have been reading a lot about the health of one’s soul. Through my collective readings I have crafted the definition of soul health as the nourishment of creativity, intimacy, and passion. Soul health is different from mental health because the soul is not something we can monitor or take a pill to help manage - the soul is only visible through its influence.
After I graduated college, my mental health was shot and my soul was depleted. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Anxiety Disorder, and mild depression. I used to be burning from the core with passion and now I couldn’t even identify what I loved anymore. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know where to go.
And then I won an Instagram giveaway. I was gifted several luxurious items, but the menstrual cup stood out to me. I had used one before and hated it, but this cup was marketed to be more comfortable. While there was a learning curve to transition to a menstrual cup, It had inspired me to learn again.
This menstrual cup allowed me to feel autonomous over my own body. I had been conditioned to dread my period because it was something that happened to me - that I had no say in. But now that I had found an instrument to help me manage my period, I felt like I had a say in what happens to my own body again. A symptom of my PTSD was to disassociate - to leave my body when I felt like it was in danger. My period eventually became a time where I felt present and safe- to where I didn’t have to flee.
It was also healing to see blood that was not initiated by violence. My body could prepare itself to host a potential life, and if that did not happen, it would shed what it no longer needed. And I never gave my body enough credit for this. My body was bleeding to release what it no longer needed - once a month, every month. This became a powerful metaphor for me in my journey to let go - to no longer allow my trauma to define where I am going.
My period journey fed my soul back to health. It gave me something to care about that led to me falling in love with my body all over again. The fire had finally returned and I was inspired to create, write, and replenish myself. My period is far from beautiful, but it gave me a semblance of control that I felt circumstances had taken away from me. It allowed me to feel safe in my own body again, and for that I owe it everything.
